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Old 08-17-2006, 12:26 PM   #1
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Default Terry Pluto interviews himself about the Browns

This is a pretty funny article. You know it's getting bad by the lake when the reports are having a question and answer with themselves and printing it in the newspaper.

Season weeks away, but Browns' losses piling up
By Terry Pluto

Talkin' to myself about the Browns...

Q: Is it healthy to talk to yourself about a football team?

A: The Browns would make any sane person talk to himself.

Q: Meaning?

A: Meaning here's a fan base just waiting for a reason to cheer. They finally get a GM/coach situation that can work and has a clue of what it takes to win -- and this!

Q: This?

A: They trade Lee Suggs to the New York Jets, only the Jets say he failed their physical. Granted, Suggs can pull a muscle or bruise a knee just by waking up in the morning and yawning real big. But the Browns say that Suggs is absolutely, positively healthy. That he has not missed a practice this summer or in any of the minicamps. He ran hard (and fairly well) in Thursday's exhibition game.

Q: So even when Suggs is healthy, he's hurt?

A: Apparently that's what the Jets think.

Q: Do things like this happen often?

A: Just follow this team for a few years and you'll be ready to lie down on a sofa and start mumbling about The Drive, The Fumble, The Move and assorted physical maladies found only in the back of the most advanced medical dictionaries.

Q: Now you sound like the ``woe is me'' attitude that General Manager Phil Savage says has infected Browns fans.

A: This team hasn't even played two exhibition games, and Ross (not Ryan) Tucker is the starting center. He was a backup interior lineman fighting to make the team in New England, and he starts here. He starts because LeCharles Bentley turned one way, his knee went another, and down for the season went the Pro Bowl center. No one even hit him hard! Ross Tucker starts because Bob Hallen was either too hurt, too discouraged, or for whatever reason, didn't want to play.

Q: Didn't the Browns do their homework on these guys?

A: Bentley missed two games in the last two years. Hallen not only passed the Browns' physical, but physicals for other teams that considered him as a free agent. He played nine games last season, no serious injuries.

Q: Are you saying...

A: I'm not even close to being finished. Last year, they signed Gary Baxter, a talented cornerback. In three years, he missed ZERO games in Baltimore. He came to the Browns, and missed the 2005 opener with a concussion. He played five games, then went down for the rest of the season with a torn pectoral muscle. Missed 11 games last year.

Q: So you mean...

A: Just shut up. I'm still venting. This year, Baxter ``tweaked'' his knee in camp. When you hear the word ``tweaked,'' think ``amputation.'' Nothing with the Browns is ever ``tweaked.'' It's spindled and mutilated.

Q: Are you done yet?

A: I'm just getting started. Baxter wasn't supposed to play in the preseason opener last week, but did -- for a few minutes. He pulled the other pectoral muscle and is out for a few weeks. He's 27 years old! Why do I have to keep writing the words PECTORAL MUSCLE? Why do I think I need to go to medical school to cover the Browns?

Q: You're just making too much...

A: Too much? TOO MUCH?! I'll tell you what is too much. LeCharles Bentley is 27 years old! Guys like Bentley and Baxter are supposed to be in their primes. When they play somewhere else, you can run them over with a Hummer and they bounce back up. They come to Berea, a fan sneezes and the next thing you know, a player needs X-rays. They have a priest standing by in case they need someone ready to administer the last rites.

Q: It's not that bad...

A: Not that bad? I'll give you bad! Solid right tackle Ryan Tucker (knee) is out at least for a few more weeks. So is dependable cornerback Daylon McCutcheon, another knee problem. I asked a member of the Browns front office about a kid named Isaac Sowells, their fourth-round draft choice. I got a dissertation about high ankle sprains. He got one a few weeks ago, and he's out for a few more weeks. Which brings me to Rob Smith...

Q: Who?

A: The center from Tennessee who sweats so much that some of the quarterbacks kept fumbling the ball. No matter, he's got a high ankle sprain, too. At least that happened in the preseason game. I mean, these guys keep getting hurt, and the Browns don't even have physical practices. I keep fearing that Charlie Frye will be abducted by aliens, or that Kellen Winslow will fall off his tricycle.

Q: Don't panic, it's early, they still have nearly a month until the opener.

A: That's exactly what I'm afraid of.
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Old 08-17-2006, 12:46 PM   #2
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Default Re: Terry Pluto interviews himself about the Browns

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Old 08-17-2006, 02:04 PM   #3
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Default Re: Terry Pluto interviews himself about the Browns

LMAO that was so funny.
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Old 08-17-2006, 07:22 PM   #4
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Default Re: Terry Pluto interviews himself about the Browns

when i wake up to read the sports....

i read that yet another f'd up thing has happened at the center position...

i think about lecharles getting hurt in the first place...

i read the message boards....

i think about what everybody else thinks about the browns...

i don't care, i'm a browns fan... no matter what...

just ask my local 7-11 owner.
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Old 08-17-2006, 10:24 PM   #5
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Default Re: Terry Pluto interviews himself about the Browns

LOL! Good one. I don't even pick on Browns Fans anymore, it isn't any fun anymore. I now feel sorry for them!
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